


The Stars, man.

by charliethe2nd



Category: Fallout 4
Genre: A little pining, Angst, Don't copy to another site, Emotional Baggage, Hurt/Comfort, Other, Unresolved Emotional Tension, implied hancock/sole survivor, not sure if this counts as hurt/comfort since he doesnt rly comfort them?, not sure what else to tag (suggestions welcome)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-17
Updated: 2020-10-17
Packaged: 2021-03-08 18:13:42
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,362
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27060991
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/charliethe2nd/pseuds/charliethe2nd
Summary: " "You wanna know what's the best thing about the Wasteland?" Nev says, folding their arms behind their head and leaning back into the grassy hill.Hancock is sitting near them with his legs crossed. He looks up from the cigarette he was about to light and lifts an eyebrow. "The best thing? Didn't think you'd like anything about it to be honest." He hesitates, then adds in a semi-sarcastic flirty tone "Well, besides me of course. Is the best thing about the Wasteland that you met me?"Nev grins but shakes their head slightly, staring up to the night sky."The stars, man" they say softly."Nev is the sole survivor of a different time and it's hard to deal with that. But talking about it sometimes helps.Hancock doesn't know how to comfort them, so he doesn't and then feels bad about it.A little oneshot about some emotional shit
Relationships: John Hancock & Sole Survivor (Fallout)
Comments: 5
Kudos: 2





	The Stars, man.

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote this over a year ago and never posted it. found it again, might as well post it.  
> It's not beta'd, so if there's something to fix, feel free to tell me  
> rated it teens and up cause idk all that talk about death and your place in the world and overwhelming shit seems like an adult topic to me but hmu if that's wrong
> 
> Sometimes when i play i rly like to take a break and look up at the stars, they're rly nice and even though it's just a game its does give me almost that same feeling i get when looking at the real stars
> 
> Hancock is a sad man who tries to cover it up with sarcasm and a dont-care attitude but that's not rly healthy...

"You wanna know what's the best thing about the Wasteland?" Nev says, folding their arms behind their head and leaning back into the grassy hill.

Hancock is sitting near them with his legs crossed. He looks up from the cigarette he was about to light and lifts an eyebrow. "The best thing? Didn't think you'd like anything about it to be honest." He hesitates, then adds in a semi-sarcastic flirty tone "Well, besides me of course. Is the best thing about the Wasteland that you met me?"  
Nev grins but shakes their head slightly, staring up to the night sky.  
"The stars, man" they say softly.  
Hancock tilts his head back to look past the rim of his tricorn hat, up to the infinite darkness above. "...the stars.", he repeats quizzically.  
Nev sighs deeply and lets their eyes roam over the countless bright dots that litter the firmament like freckles on summer skin.  
"Back before the war you couldn't see that many stars. Well, maybe if you were in the country side or the open sea, I guess, but not where I grew up."

Hancock is looking at Nev's face now. Their expression is thoughtful but there's sadness in there too.  
Nev hardly ever talks about the time before the bombs.  
Once, shortly after they started travelling with Hancock, they told him a little about themselves; about their wife and son, about the vault, the cryo-sleep, the murder of Nora and kidnapping of Shaun and then being unfrozen again and discovering this new, fucked up world.  
But since then the two of them have kept their conversations light, and relatively unpersonal most of the time. Hancock's glad about that. He's not too good with feelings and shit.

But now here they are and the sincerity of this moment is almost too much and he doesn't know how to deal with it.  
"So, like, were the skyscrapers in the way or what? Cause we still have a bunch of those around", he asks with a grin to hide his awkwardness.

"No, not the skyscrapers." Nev doesn't play into Hancock's defense mechanism. "It was because of the lights. All the cities and highways illuminated 24/7. They were so bright they overwhelmed the stars, which weren't bright enough to compete. So you couldn't see most stars at night. We called it light-pollution."  
That makes Hancock chuckle. "Light-pollution" he mumbles around the cigarette between his lips, attempting a second time to light it. "You guys came up with the weirdest shit."

Nev briefly looks from the sky over to Hancock, watches as the flame's light dances over his scarred face. Hancock senses their eyes on him, but he doesn't look up to meet them. He exhales slowly and watches the smoke whirl around before it disappears.

"You know, when I was little," Nev continues, "I loved looking at the stars and I was always so sad I couldn't see all of them... Then I somehow forgot about it as I got older. I mean sometimes there would be nights where we would stay up and watch the stars..."

There's a short pause in which Nev thinks about their dead wife and Hancock pretends to be interested in the grass in front of him.  
There are things to be said in this kind of situation. Like offering condolences or something along those lines.  
But he doesn't break the silence.

"...I don't know, I just somehow forgot how big the universe is - don't get me wrong, I was happy. I didn't need the world to be bigger than my little house in my little suburban neighbourhood and stuff... but now-" a tear silently rolls down Nev's cheek. They don't seem to notice and Hancock makes the tiniest movement as if he's going to lean over and wipe it away with his thumb, but then he doesn't. Something in his stomach feels heavy all of a sudden.  
"I just... I kinda feel like a kid again." another tear follows the first. "I mean... all the time now… But, like, usually its bad. I'm just overwhelmed a lot and I feel like there's so many things I have to learn all over again... but then again, I also feel so, so old. Shit, man. I'm not making a lot of sense, am I?" they chuckle, but it's not joyful. "Well, that fits, I guess. Most things don't make much sense anymore… It's all confusing as hell. I know I didn't really experience or grow in those 200 years I was frozen, but I can still feel them in me… I'm not the same person I was back then, nothing is the same..."

Another stretch of silence follows. Nev wipes away the tears and sniffles a few times and Hancock just waits and smokes. He has his head down so the hat hides his face.  
Seeing Nev hurt, hurts Hancock too and he wants to do something, comfort them, maybe offer a hug, but he's not sure Nev would want that.  
They're not that close. Barely more than traveling companions, hardly even friends. He doesn't know what to say either, so he doesn't say anything.

"Anyway" Nev says finally, voice a little shaky but lighter now, "I guess, I was trying to say... when I look up at the stars, I feel like I'm a child again. In the good way. Like I'm amazed by the infinity of the universe and how pretty those little dots look."  
When they turn their head to look at Hancock, he looks back this time. Nev smiles in that way people sometimes do, when they've just cried and it was relieving, freeing.  
When Hancock smiles back it feels a little forced, though Nev doesn't seem to notice.  
His stomach turns as he feels the urge to get closer, to reach out for some contact.  
He ignores it.

"Well, I'm glad the stars are still here, then." He really does mean it, but it comes out more sarcastic, dismissive than he wanted it to. He just can't bring himself to be sincere. Something about that just scares him somehow.  
He stumps out his cigarette and clears his throat, pretending he doesn't see the hurt look flash over Nev's face.

They get up and pat the dirt off their clothes. "Let's get going then."  
Their voice is colder now and Hancock feels a twinge of regret. As he gets up as well, he can't help but think that he's fucked everything up again.  
There's Nev, having an emotional moment that they share with him, open up to him and what does he do? Pushes them away and scoffs at their feelings. Great.

They continue walking in silence and Hancock sighs quietly and puts this on the list of things he'll have to make up for.  
He really needs to learn how to deal with vulnerability without reaching for sarcasm to overplay it. Maybe he can tell Nev about his own fucked up past, open up that way about his own trauma or whatever.  
He promises himself then, that someday he's gonna learn how to deal with feelings and stuff. Someday he'll get over his own bullshit and be able to actually open up himself.  
And maybe he can eventually find the courage to tell Nev that he actually appreciated them talking about the stars. And how much they mean to him, as a friend. Or maybe something else too, but he's not sure about that yet.  
That's a whole other level of feelings to work through and he really doesn't have the mind space for that right now. He sighs quietly. Someday.  
He just hopes they're gonna stick together long enough for him to sort his shit out.

"Hey, look!" Nev whispers and pulls Hancock out of his thoughts, back into the dark night around them. "There we are." they say, pointing down the hill.  
Hancock looks at the small arrangement of raider-shacks, illuminated by a big bonfire in the middle.

Nev turns to look at Hancock, eyebrows raised. "You ready?" they ask and Hancock notices with relief, that they're back to smiling again.  
He grins and cocks his shotgun. "Alright, let's kick some raider ass!"


End file.
